Show me the way to Peace....

Dear God,

I am kinda stuck here. Actually, I am really stuck. I have no idea as to what I am supposed to be doing with my life right now. I feel like I have been stuck in a rut for the last two years and I have found no joy or peace within my life. All I feel is emptiness inside. Nothing is fun anymore. It's like my whole soul just shut down and is dormant, leaving me dead.

I just want your guidance. I need a plan for my life. I need to know what I am supposed to be doing right now. Nothing makes sense. I feel like I am living in exile. I miss myself, I miss my family, I miss my friends, and most of all I miss my life.

I know that moving to Gaylord was a wrong decision. I have not been happy since we came here. I feel cut off from the world. I want so much to go back to Petoskey near my family and friends. I want so much to have a job that I can take pride in doing. Not one where I am basically lost in the shuffle. I want to be able to shine again. Right now I am feeling like a very dull object. I miss the feeling of being in Petoskey. I miss the bay, the downtown, my favorite shops, restaurants, things to do.... I miss my life.

I had thought that I knew what my goal in life was. I thought that the goal my husband and I made was what you wanted. But when I began to put that goal in action, I was so disappointed to see it being shot down. I won't lie, I was hurt because I felt like you let me down. I know I shouldn't say that or feel that way because you never let me down. You always provide what you feel it the best for me. But I felt like I had a plan and that I was ready to go. But after that phone call, I was so disppointed. I was hurt, angry, and confused. I am hoping that I still am able to be given that second chance. I want very much to return to the Inn. That place is like home to me. We lived there and worked there for almost three years. I have had many happy memories there and I really want to go back. I need to go back. I need the hours and the satisfaction of doing a job well done. I need to feel the pat on my back again. But most of all, I want to live there again. I want to be able to get us out of this hardship I put us in. I really cannot think of any other way to do it. Actually, I can, but it sounds hard and almost impossible.

All I ask is that you guide me through this time. I felt so at peace and actually had joy when I thought I was on the right track. I know that you will never let me down, or leave me in the darkness. And I know that you always come through for me. I just wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing right now. I hate feeling suspended. Like I am just waiting for something. Feels like all I do in my life is wait.

Make me the person you want me to be. Allow me to fully grow in you, Lord. Let me shake off the yoke of my past experiences so that I can fully realize who I should be and become it. Allow me to love my enemies and neighbors as if they were myself. Allow me to forgive those who have wronged me so that I may be forgiven by those I have wronged. Erase my heart of hatred, bitterness, misery, and dread. Block satan from access to my mind. Allow me to overcome his thoughts, ideas, and words. Allow me to live in your love and lean into the confidence I have in me through you.

I just need a lot of help right now, and I am not sure how to go about starting. All I know is that at the age of 30 going on 31, I am not happy with my life. I am miserable. This should be the prime of my life and I feel like I am just wasting it away. Help me to make the most of it. Help me to show your love to everyone. Help me to accept your love for myself, so that I too can love myself. I know I have your favor... Why, I will never know. But I truly thank you for never leaving my side. Even when I was the worst spoiled brat you have ever seen. All I want to do is make you proud and find peace within.

I thank you for everything you have done in my life, everything you have given me, and everything you continue to do for me. Help me to count my blessings instead of my grievances.
Thank you Dad! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.