Psalms 33:10, 34:18,19,24:
"The Lord foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of hte peoples. But the plans of hte Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous many may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. The Lord redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him."
These verses are like a salve to my soul. They give me hope and peace. I forgot how much I could continue to learn about God and his love for me, from reading his word. I always had a bible in my home, but when I'd see, it I would put it out of my mind. It made me feel guilty, but I didn't want to reread things I have already read (mainly the new testament). And quite frankly, I never thought there was anything worth while in the old. I am now finding out how wrong I was. Between Isaiah and Psalms, I have read a lot of passages that have taught me more than the new testament alone. I am not saying that hte new is not important, because that is where Jesus saved us all, but I am finding that the old has a lot of meaning for me right now. But who knows, when I reread scriptures from the New, I am sure I will find more too. I love the bible, because it is ever changing. I can reread verses and still pull more out of them or see their different meanings. Thank you God, for leaving your word behind for us to read and fill our spirits. Amen.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Thankful Spirit
Dear God,
Thank you for a wonderful day today. There are so many negative items about today that I tended to look at, but let's focus more on the positive. I thank you for letting me spend time with my mother and new step sister. I did have fun being out of the house. Granted, it was not what I would have done while in the city, but it was still nice. The only drawback is that I wish I could have slept more. But I do thank you for the time with my mom.
It has been so long since we were able to spend time together. I cannot express how much I miss the sleepovers at her house. I miss spending the evening with her playing games, doing pedicures, and watching movies. I especially miss the Sunday mornings when we would spend the entire day at the pool side. Talking, reading, swimming, and sleeping in the sun. I never realized how much those nights meant to me. They were like my little vacations away from my everyday life. I could be a guest at someone else's home, but still feel at home. It was nice because my mom would take care of me for the night. Help me make up a bed to sleep in, make us snacks, dinner, etc.... I really miss those quality times and I don't think I will ever be able to get those back. She's getting married. And I am happy for her, truely I am. I would never want to have her sacrifice her happiness for time spent with me. I've learned that. I just miss those days. And yeah, I still see her. But it is not the same. She is so preoccuppied now. And not only that, but she has another family to balance as well. I just hope there will be times like those in the future. Obviously they won't be every week, but once a month or every other month would be great too.
There is something I would like to ask of you. I seem to be short tempered and iritated with my husband lately. I don't know why, exactly. I've been taking things he's been saying or doing too personally lately. I feel like he has been on my case all the time in the last week, when really he is probably being no different than before. I would like your help in my coping with this and just blocking out the negative thoughts I have during these times. Just allow me to enjoy him and be a happy, cheerful wife for him. He does so much for our family and at times I just don't always appreciate or acknowledge his hard work. It's like I expect it of him, not thankful for him. So please help me to be more thankful for my husband and show him just how much he means to me and how appreciative I am of everything he does for us.
Thank you for helping me to remember that I am supposed to be nice in everyday situations, with everyone I meet. I am still struggling with this, because I am very judgemental. But I have also seen that my judgement is mostly wrong. When I decide I want nothing to do with a person, and do not like them, they actually turn out to be great and someone I enjoy being with. I am trying so hard to remember that everyone is a human being and your child. That none of us are any better than the rest. No matter what our situation in life is. I just hope you will continue reminding me of this so that it will become so ingrained in my brain, that I will never forget it or act otherwise. I also thank you for showing me how little acts of kindness can brighten another person's life. I pray that you allow me to continue to do this and help me make someone else's life better each day. Even if it is a smile, or small deed, I would like to make a difference in someone's life everyday. I strongly believe that if everyone in the world lived with this principle, then the world would be a much better place.
Thank you for everything. And especially thank you for opening my eyes to my mother. Thank you for not having me take advantage of her financial offers today. I saw her spending so much money and I just could not take advantage of her and have her buy me anything. So thank you for that. And for letting me see that money does not grow on trees. I love you and I thank you for every blessing you have given me in my life and for all that you continue to do. I trust you, I truely do. And I thank you for never letting me down. In Jesus name Amen.
Thank you for a wonderful day today. There are so many negative items about today that I tended to look at, but let's focus more on the positive. I thank you for letting me spend time with my mother and new step sister. I did have fun being out of the house. Granted, it was not what I would have done while in the city, but it was still nice. The only drawback is that I wish I could have slept more. But I do thank you for the time with my mom.
It has been so long since we were able to spend time together. I cannot express how much I miss the sleepovers at her house. I miss spending the evening with her playing games, doing pedicures, and watching movies. I especially miss the Sunday mornings when we would spend the entire day at the pool side. Talking, reading, swimming, and sleeping in the sun. I never realized how much those nights meant to me. They were like my little vacations away from my everyday life. I could be a guest at someone else's home, but still feel at home. It was nice because my mom would take care of me for the night. Help me make up a bed to sleep in, make us snacks, dinner, etc.... I really miss those quality times and I don't think I will ever be able to get those back. She's getting married. And I am happy for her, truely I am. I would never want to have her sacrifice her happiness for time spent with me. I've learned that. I just miss those days. And yeah, I still see her. But it is not the same. She is so preoccuppied now. And not only that, but she has another family to balance as well. I just hope there will be times like those in the future. Obviously they won't be every week, but once a month or every other month would be great too.
There is something I would like to ask of you. I seem to be short tempered and iritated with my husband lately. I don't know why, exactly. I've been taking things he's been saying or doing too personally lately. I feel like he has been on my case all the time in the last week, when really he is probably being no different than before. I would like your help in my coping with this and just blocking out the negative thoughts I have during these times. Just allow me to enjoy him and be a happy, cheerful wife for him. He does so much for our family and at times I just don't always appreciate or acknowledge his hard work. It's like I expect it of him, not thankful for him. So please help me to be more thankful for my husband and show him just how much he means to me and how appreciative I am of everything he does for us.
Thank you for helping me to remember that I am supposed to be nice in everyday situations, with everyone I meet. I am still struggling with this, because I am very judgemental. But I have also seen that my judgement is mostly wrong. When I decide I want nothing to do with a person, and do not like them, they actually turn out to be great and someone I enjoy being with. I am trying so hard to remember that everyone is a human being and your child. That none of us are any better than the rest. No matter what our situation in life is. I just hope you will continue reminding me of this so that it will become so ingrained in my brain, that I will never forget it or act otherwise. I also thank you for showing me how little acts of kindness can brighten another person's life. I pray that you allow me to continue to do this and help me make someone else's life better each day. Even if it is a smile, or small deed, I would like to make a difference in someone's life everyday. I strongly believe that if everyone in the world lived with this principle, then the world would be a much better place.
Thank you for everything. And especially thank you for opening my eyes to my mother. Thank you for not having me take advantage of her financial offers today. I saw her spending so much money and I just could not take advantage of her and have her buy me anything. So thank you for that. And for letting me see that money does not grow on trees. I love you and I thank you for every blessing you have given me in my life and for all that you continue to do. I trust you, I truely do. And I thank you for never letting me down. In Jesus name Amen.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Show me the way to Peace....
Dear God,
I am kinda stuck here. Actually, I am really stuck. I have no idea as to what I am supposed to be doing with my life right now. I feel like I have been stuck in a rut for the last two years and I have found no joy or peace within my life. All I feel is emptiness inside. Nothing is fun anymore. It's like my whole soul just shut down and is dormant, leaving me dead.
I just want your guidance. I need a plan for my life. I need to know what I am supposed to be doing right now. Nothing makes sense. I feel like I am living in exile. I miss myself, I miss my family, I miss my friends, and most of all I miss my life.
I know that moving to Gaylord was a wrong decision. I have not been happy since we came here. I feel cut off from the world. I want so much to go back to Petoskey near my family and friends. I want so much to have a job that I can take pride in doing. Not one where I am basically lost in the shuffle. I want to be able to shine again. Right now I am feeling like a very dull object. I miss the feeling of being in Petoskey. I miss the bay, the downtown, my favorite shops, restaurants, things to do.... I miss my life.
I had thought that I knew what my goal in life was. I thought that the goal my husband and I made was what you wanted. But when I began to put that goal in action, I was so disappointed to see it being shot down. I won't lie, I was hurt because I felt like you let me down. I know I shouldn't say that or feel that way because you never let me down. You always provide what you feel it the best for me. But I felt like I had a plan and that I was ready to go. But after that phone call, I was so disppointed. I was hurt, angry, and confused. I am hoping that I still am able to be given that second chance. I want very much to return to the Inn. That place is like home to me. We lived there and worked there for almost three years. I have had many happy memories there and I really want to go back. I need to go back. I need the hours and the satisfaction of doing a job well done. I need to feel the pat on my back again. But most of all, I want to live there again. I want to be able to get us out of this hardship I put us in. I really cannot think of any other way to do it. Actually, I can, but it sounds hard and almost impossible.
All I ask is that you guide me through this time. I felt so at peace and actually had joy when I thought I was on the right track. I know that you will never let me down, or leave me in the darkness. And I know that you always come through for me. I just wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing right now. I hate feeling suspended. Like I am just waiting for something. Feels like all I do in my life is wait.
Make me the person you want me to be. Allow me to fully grow in you, Lord. Let me shake off the yoke of my past experiences so that I can fully realize who I should be and become it. Allow me to love my enemies and neighbors as if they were myself. Allow me to forgive those who have wronged me so that I may be forgiven by those I have wronged. Erase my heart of hatred, bitterness, misery, and dread. Block satan from access to my mind. Allow me to overcome his thoughts, ideas, and words. Allow me to live in your love and lean into the confidence I have in me through you.
I just need a lot of help right now, and I am not sure how to go about starting. All I know is that at the age of 30 going on 31, I am not happy with my life. I am miserable. This should be the prime of my life and I feel like I am just wasting it away. Help me to make the most of it. Help me to show your love to everyone. Help me to accept your love for myself, so that I too can love myself. I know I have your favor... Why, I will never know. But I truly thank you for never leaving my side. Even when I was the worst spoiled brat you have ever seen. All I want to do is make you proud and find peace within.
I thank you for everything you have done in my life, everything you have given me, and everything you continue to do for me. Help me to count my blessings instead of my grievances.
Thank you Dad! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
I am kinda stuck here. Actually, I am really stuck. I have no idea as to what I am supposed to be doing with my life right now. I feel like I have been stuck in a rut for the last two years and I have found no joy or peace within my life. All I feel is emptiness inside. Nothing is fun anymore. It's like my whole soul just shut down and is dormant, leaving me dead.
I just want your guidance. I need a plan for my life. I need to know what I am supposed to be doing right now. Nothing makes sense. I feel like I am living in exile. I miss myself, I miss my family, I miss my friends, and most of all I miss my life.
I know that moving to Gaylord was a wrong decision. I have not been happy since we came here. I feel cut off from the world. I want so much to go back to Petoskey near my family and friends. I want so much to have a job that I can take pride in doing. Not one where I am basically lost in the shuffle. I want to be able to shine again. Right now I am feeling like a very dull object. I miss the feeling of being in Petoskey. I miss the bay, the downtown, my favorite shops, restaurants, things to do.... I miss my life.
I had thought that I knew what my goal in life was. I thought that the goal my husband and I made was what you wanted. But when I began to put that goal in action, I was so disappointed to see it being shot down. I won't lie, I was hurt because I felt like you let me down. I know I shouldn't say that or feel that way because you never let me down. You always provide what you feel it the best for me. But I felt like I had a plan and that I was ready to go. But after that phone call, I was so disppointed. I was hurt, angry, and confused. I am hoping that I still am able to be given that second chance. I want very much to return to the Inn. That place is like home to me. We lived there and worked there for almost three years. I have had many happy memories there and I really want to go back. I need to go back. I need the hours and the satisfaction of doing a job well done. I need to feel the pat on my back again. But most of all, I want to live there again. I want to be able to get us out of this hardship I put us in. I really cannot think of any other way to do it. Actually, I can, but it sounds hard and almost impossible.
All I ask is that you guide me through this time. I felt so at peace and actually had joy when I thought I was on the right track. I know that you will never let me down, or leave me in the darkness. And I know that you always come through for me. I just wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing right now. I hate feeling suspended. Like I am just waiting for something. Feels like all I do in my life is wait.
Make me the person you want me to be. Allow me to fully grow in you, Lord. Let me shake off the yoke of my past experiences so that I can fully realize who I should be and become it. Allow me to love my enemies and neighbors as if they were myself. Allow me to forgive those who have wronged me so that I may be forgiven by those I have wronged. Erase my heart of hatred, bitterness, misery, and dread. Block satan from access to my mind. Allow me to overcome his thoughts, ideas, and words. Allow me to live in your love and lean into the confidence I have in me through you.
I just need a lot of help right now, and I am not sure how to go about starting. All I know is that at the age of 30 going on 31, I am not happy with my life. I am miserable. This should be the prime of my life and I feel like I am just wasting it away. Help me to make the most of it. Help me to show your love to everyone. Help me to accept your love for myself, so that I too can love myself. I know I have your favor... Why, I will never know. But I truly thank you for never leaving my side. Even when I was the worst spoiled brat you have ever seen. All I want to do is make you proud and find peace within.
I thank you for everything you have done in my life, everything you have given me, and everything you continue to do for me. Help me to count my blessings instead of my grievances.
Thank you Dad! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
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